Funny Quotes
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Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
- Rodney Dangerfield.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car
- Unknown.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
- -Homer J. Simpson
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- Rodney Dangerfield
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
- Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde.
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner.
- Lyndon B. Johnson.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
- Steven Wright.
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